Parents define their children: LITERALLY.

For happy children who are able to transition themselves effortlessly in an environment heavily matters on their “Parents’ attitude” towards it. Children from their conception time till five years of age are highly receptive and sensitive to sensations and reactions. It is their natural defense mechanism gifted to them by nature and it is because of their E.Q ( Emotional Intelligence) and not I.Q ( Intelligent Quotient) that they develop their mental health.  Mental health plays a significant protagonist in their emotions, character building, stability in behaviour and positive developments in personality traits. While some of us may be of the view that individual mannerisms are purely genes being passed down from generation to generation, it is of utmost observation that constructive enhancement  and furtherance of personalities only comes when a child feels safe and accepted.

 Although safety is a simple word, its meaning in comparison is very drastic. A child not only needs to be physically safe in his whereabouts but also emotionally secured.  He should not only expect his well-being from the environment but also be AWARE that he is equally an important part of making sure that his movements, mannerisms and words need to be of apt and adequate. The responsibility of bringing such awareness lies with the adults.

"The foremost job of a parent is to be a parent first".
In all good honesty and love we, as parents primarily forget that raising a child means raising a human being who will interact with not solely them but with the community at large.

Sometimes we love NOT to actually “LOVE” in the true, sincere sense. And more than anything it is this “LOVE” that eventually takes its toll and becomes the ONLY hindrance in a child’s development and progression.

What is acceptance? Some of the parents over the years I have encountered feel it is the golden birth right of their child to be accepted by everyone he or she encounters with. The simple truth, NO, it’s not.  Just like your child may or may not like his cousins, neighbour’s children and peers at school. May think that uncle John is the meanest person in the family. Guess what, so may others about your child.  And it’s fine.

Parents who constantly try to in foster in their children that he or she is the best, are actually in reverse laying foundation of an insecure personality trait.  

. Confident people accept their drawbacks and work towards improvements. They don’t rely on simply “Being known as the BEST”.          

. The adjective “BEST” has no substantial meaning in the “REAL” world. We may strive to achieve what is the “BEST”, but at the same time the term itself is so subjective that its literal meaning is well suited solitary in fairy tales just like the term, “HAPPILY EVER AFTER”.

Parents who are always chanting the slogan of “My child is always right” are prime examples of shaken rationalism.  It is this undercover, unseen anxiety that the child is highly receptive of and able to sense rather than the practical act of insistence of the "Slogan".  Therefore it is this anxiety trait which lingers on in the child and such children in return become negative ambassadors of the society. They develop characteristics of bullies without the realization because that is the abyss, they were brought up into. These children hide inside their feebly knitted webs which were early on spun by their own parents.

As parents we should always attempt to emphasis on the E.Q rather than the I.Q. An emotionally stable child will be eager to absorb, enthusiast to acquire and open to criticism which is the key for advancement and evolution. Without necessary criticism learning loses its wings and acuity takes a back seat instead the path to sapped vision is paved and fertilized.

But before we sow the seeds of confidence in our growing little children we should be certain of our serenity first.

. Happy confident people do not rely on others to bring the best out in them. Nobody needs anybody for that. Positive individuals may be an inspiration but neither them nor the negative ones can be held responsible for one’s actions. One should SOLELY rely on his morals and strengths. Peers, friends, relatives and other social entities may array from good to best and from best to worse, they should not become our " Personality Definitions".

. People, who are content within, take responsibility of their own actions, words and mannerisms. On the contrary those who struggle with their inner harmony, always wind up holding others responsible for their deeds.

. People who are in constant need of attention are usually prey to imbalance emotional strength.  They feel they are entitled to be acknowledged for their every effort.

. As human beings we need to come to an understanding that we are part of a cosmos where everyone is required to play their individual role in synchronization with others around not SOLELY to himself.

Let’s as parents brood over on our complexities and look within ourselves for amendments before we think ourselves to be the ace of our own child’s growth and development. Let’s look from a broader perspective for all children not just our own. It is definitely not ENTIRELY them, forming the society; they are, but mere specks on a lens which magnifies the whole.

 BY: Ifra  N.Khoso